Into the Abyss
by butterfly collective
Summary: Takes place before "Glimmer of Twilight" as C.J. and Julia head on a road trip and go camping. Not much plot, and I'm borrowing the characters for fun.


This story's not really a story but this strange thing that appeared on my page when I was supposed to be updating another story! Anyway it takes place pre-pre-pre-"Glimmer of Twilight" and refers to some of the flashbacked incidents in that story. Hope you enjoy reading it, thanks for reading and for the feedback!

* * *

C.J. and Julia looked down into the abyss that fell hundreds of feet below them. They had driven right to the edge of the canyon, stopping short of it less than a dozen feet and then they had gotten out of Julia's convertible to stand at its edge.

One of them kicked a small rock and watched it disappear on the way down, listening for the splash as it hit the water. But only silence met them as they waited.

"That's a long way down," Julia said softly.

C.J. watched her friend peer down into what had been named the Grand Canyon with her golden curls framing her face. She had been worried about her childhood friend after she had received news that she had a terminal illness. Julia had nearly fallen into a depression because her erstwhile boyfriend Scott had abandoned her yet again and she faced months of the grueling regimen of medical treatment necessary to save her life. But first, she decided she needed to take some time away from the turmoil of her own life to a place where she could gain perspective to fight for her future. She had invited C.J. to join her on a road trip and they left uncertain of where it would take them.

And C.J. had agreed because she had her own future to figure out and plan. She had to prepare for her second year at Harvard School of Law and Julia wouldn't be joining her having put her plans for law school on hold to fight her illness back in her hometown in Texas where her family lived. When C.J. had told Julia that she didn't know if she wanted to continue her own education, Julia had called her crazy and that she had no excuses to do anything but continue the program to get her law degree. She even had a new boyfriend, Jonathan to keep her company while he began attending night classes in a criminal justice program in hopes of parlaying that into a career in the FBI. Still, C.J. remained on the fence, and Julia knew why even if they didn't discuss it much. But for the past week, they had been zigzagging across the great country stopping to check out its hotspots and talking about everything else but their futures.

"You can hike it up and over by mule in about a day," C.J. said.

Julia made a face.

"I'd rather take a jeep."

C.J. shook her head, chuckling.

"You can't take a jeep down there," she said, "It's too steep for one thing."

Julia took another look.

"You could be right about that."

C.J. loved the quiet beauty of one of the greatest natural landmarks. One day, she would return and do the hike down into its depths and explore what lay there and then she would hike on out of it. Maybe she and Matt…as soon as he got out of the military. She had seen him a couple of times since…well since she finished the first year of law school and he had spent most of the time they spent together worrying about her. She didn't like the scrutiny and had told him it was a waste of energy and time, because she was doing just fine. And she was during the daytime when her busy life consumed her but at night…she didn't really want to go there. Because that's where he lived.

"Where do you want to stay tonight," Julia asked suddenly.

C.J. turned to look at her friend, biting her lip. She looked up at the sky, which would darken soon and wondered where the day had gone so quickly.

"Maybe we could go back to that campground," she said, "The desert's so pretty and there are so many stars at night…"

Julia snorted.

"You mean sleep on the ground," she said, "Where it's cold and rocky?"

C.J. tilted her head, taking in the look of intense distaste on her friend's face.

"We've got plenty of padding to put on the ground and those sleeping bags are well insulated," she said, "Jonathan and I went camping near the Garden of the Gods and we were fine."

Julia's eyes glinted.

"Well if I had a man to wrap myself up and keep me warm, it would be much better."

C.J. couldn't deny that.

"True," she said, "but in the meantime, it's as good a spot as any to spend the night and then we can head on to Vegas tomorrow."

Julia brightened at that.

"Great, I want to see how Lady Luck is going to reimburse me for throwing me this new wrinkle in my life."

C.J. heard the tinge of bitterness in her friend's voice, which she tried to keep hidden. Julia hardly ever discussed the cancer that had been discovered growing in her blood not long after the school year had ended. She had heard her crying over it at night when her own bad dreams kept her awake and had seen the traces of tears in the mornings but beyond the first conversation about it, there hadn't been anything further.

"I want to work on my poker face," C.J. said, "so that other players can't read me."

Julia shook her head.

"You always win when we play," she said, "No one can read a face better than you can."

C.J. looked away back into the abyss then, because she didn't want to look into people's faces and see what lay there anymore. And she didn't want them to do the same with her. The one who had always been able to read her best had seen something there he didn't like. But when he had pressed her about it, she had pushed him away. And their final words that she had said to him still sounded harsh in her ears.

Then Julia read her mind.

"So what's Matt doing with the rest of his summer?"

C.J. rubbed her arms, as a breeze brought a hint of chill on the hot summer afternoon.

"He's on his latest assignment doing intelligence work," she said, "I don't know when his next leave will be."

Julia shook her head.

"Why did you argue with him about something so stupid," she asked.

C.J.'s eyebrows rose and she folded her arms, her back to the canyon.

"Excuse me," she said, "It was just a disagreement. We have them all the time."

Julia rolled her eyes.

"Not like that one."

Okay, so maybe things had gotten a little heated between them but Matt had been pushing where he didn't belong. He had not been happy when she had confessed that she hadn't been sure that she would be continuing law school. He wanted to know why she had changed her mind about going into law and of course, she couldn't come out and say why.

"Why don't you just tell him?"

Damn, Julia had her intuition on full alert today, C.J. thought. She didn't even look at her friend but kept her eyes focused down towards the thin river which snaked through the canyon beneath their feet.

"I can't," she said, simply.

"Why not," Julia said, "It all turned out well didn't it?"

C.J. remembered back to that night last spring when the three of them had been running as hard as they could across the wet grass away from the burning building behind them. She had felt her legs burning, her heart pounding and adrenalin running through every inch of her. And every step she took, she imagined him in pursuit behind her. She had looked over her shoulder while they ran and had seen nothing but the darkness they left behind them. The only sound had been her own breathing, which came in gasps when they stopped for rest, collapsing beneath a thick oak tree. Still she felt him always one step behind her.

Julia knew all of that but she didn't know everything. Neither did Jonathan who had struggled to understand why the two women refused to go to the authorities afterward and report the kidnapping and attempt on their lives. C.J. couldn't do that because it hadn't ended there and she couldn't tell her best friend either. If she let one detail slip, he would never let it go and the fabric that she had knitted together to keep her mind focused on the future would unravel.

"He would want to know everything," was all C.J. said.

Julia paused.

"What's there to tell," she said, "That creep Andre's gone and those men who came for him didn't succeed in killing us."

No they hadn't, C.J. had to agree, but they hadn't missed by much.

Julia brightened again.

"We're still here. You've got a boyfriend who's a sweetheart and I have one who's a cad and I think it's time to remember what's good in life and try to forget what's bad."

C.J. looked at Julia who had her own trials ahead of her and had apparently decided sometime during their road trip to make the best of what life had dealt her. She knew she had to do the same thing.

So the two of them walked away from the edge of the abyss and headed back to their car.

* * *

They headed to the campground and after paying at the front office, they staked out their spot in the desert on the fringe of the main campground. Julia had fretted about rattlesnakes creeping into their sleeping bags and coyotes licking their faces but C.J. reassured her with some laughter that neither would happen as long as they kept a fire burning and made s'mores first before hitting the sack.

They did that and they went down nicely with a six pack of beers, which drew the tension out of their muscles and caused them to become sleepier. C.J. wrapped herself in her blanket against the air which had cooled considerably after sundown and made herself comfortable. The beer made her feel a bit more relaxed and had taken the edge off as the sky darkened, lit by a carpet of stars that stretched its entirety. And the graham crackers and chocolate, topped with melting marshmallow returned her back to a simpler time in her life.

"It's a beautiful night," Julia said finally, "I'm glad you forced me to camp here."

C.J. stifled a chuckle because when they arrived at the site, it hadn't been all that hard. Julia had fallen in love with it immediately and even picked out their place to spend the night. Then they had gone out not too far to collect kindling for a small fire which would provide a circle of warmth when the nightly chill descended on them.

"Me too."

Julia straightened out her own sleeping bag to get it just right before settling on top of it. She then looked at C.J.

"What is it that you never told us?"

That caught C.J. off guard and she steeled herself.

"What do you mean?"

"About that night."

C.J. looked out into the desert, saying nothing. Julia didn't know if she had even heard the question so she wondered if she should try again. Then C.J. glanced over at her and ran her hand through her hair to keep it from betraying her.

"I told you everything that happened," she said, "Everything that you need to know."

"Oh that's enigmatic," Julia noted, sitting up straighter, "So what happened that I don't need to know, or that Jonathan doesn't need to know or Matt…"

C.J.'s eyes flashed.

"Leave him out of it."

Julia didn't flinch.

"I believe you told him to stay out of it."

C.J. sighed.

"There's nothing to say about that night," she said, "Like you said, we got out of there in one piece and life went on."

Julia took a deep breath.

"You knew about those women didn't you?"

C.J. did but remained silent.

"The three women who vanished in Boston the past year," Julia continued, "The one who washed up in the river bank a week after she vanished, battered to death."

"I read about them."

Julia rubbed her forehead.

"They were all brunettes, all young, all from around Boston," she said, "All of them drawn into the parties of upper Boston society, places they didn't really belong."

C.J. nodded slowly.

"All of them were seen with the same man before they disappeared."

C.J. knew that part of it too, only she knew more than that. She knew by memory the details of the final face that had gazed down on them. The hardness of his eyes, the tension in his body and how his hands felt on bare skin.

"Andre…"

Julia looked at her in surprise.

"You said it before I even thought it," she said, "I was thinking of how all those women looked like you."

C.J. remained silent for a long moment, the faces of the photographs of the missing women flashing in her mind. The newspapers had published snapshots taken from much happier moments in the lives of these young women, borrowed from family members, friends and lovers. All wore smiles, all showed the experiences they had lived in their eyes as the camera captured them. All had disappeared without a trace, without attracting too much attention even when the police were notified by loved ones.

"We all look like someone else," C.J. said, softly.

Julia didn't know if those words were meant for her ears.

"Why was he so interested in you," she said, "It's as if he knew you."

C.J. didn't know the answer to that, a question she had asked herself if only to assign blame. Blame for not reading Scott correctly sooner. Blame for bringing Jonathon into what happened at the house. Blame for what Andre had nearly taken from her, what she had given to try and save her friends. The darkness and sounds of the desert surrounded the two women and C.J. looked into the abyss of the night for what didn't belong there. Because in the night, he lived when she closed her eyes to sleep.

* * *

She had woken up in a deep sweat from one of her nightmares when she had been running through an endless hallway, flames dripping like candle wax from the walls and ceiling. Her feet tender from the hot floor beneath them. The sound of footsteps chased her, his breath on her neck as she ran. Words telling her that she would always be his when he caught her.

When she had nearly jumped up the couch where she had napped, a strong pair of hands caught her and a man's face appeared. She flinched and started to push away thinking it was the man in the hallway.

"It's me, Houston," the man said, "It's just a dream."

She didn't believe him at first, but she looked around and saw that she lay in his hotel suite when he had visited her in Boston and they had headed back there after a party. Because he wanted to know what had changed in her and in a moment of weakness, she had wanted to tell him.

It hadn't happened of course, but she did fall asleep easier than she had in weeks. And there, the man waited and she had started running again. As Matt watched, she felt her breathing slow and her heart beat return to normal. She didn't look at him but felt his eyes on her.

"I guess I fell asleep," was all she said.

"I guess you did," he said, not letting go of her.

"I'm sorry if I startled you."

He sighed.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," he said, "I just wish you'd tell me what's been bothering you."

She forced a smile on her face, which came more easily each time.

"I'm fine Houston," she said, "There's nothing to be worried about."

That's when he had known that once again, the subject had been closed. Now in the desert, the fire revealed her surroundings up close but further away, was he there waiting for her to sleep?

* * *

She heard Julia settle down in her sleeping bag but the question her friend still remained. When Andre had looked at her, who did he see? And what had he been looking for in those women that had made them disappear without a trace? Where had he gone when he left with those men, she didn't know but she knew she would be looking out for accounts of missing young women with wavy dark hair and sparkling eyes.

"You can't give up on your dreams C.J," Julia said, weariness etched in her voice.

C.J. looked over at her and saw the flames in front of her begin to ebb, the borders of darkness approach them.

"I didn't say I was doing that," she said, "I just don't know about law school."

"One of us has to make it," Julia said, "You know we both wanted to use our degrees to help the women who had no one else."

C.J. nodded, remembering how they had talked about that since they were little girls.

"I want to; I just don't know if I can."

Julia paused.

"Whatever he did to you," she said, "You can't let him win."

C.J. thought about that too. But she felt like she had lost ground already. The night when she had woken up on Matt's couch, he had not pressed her for more information and she had been relieved. He had just without saying anything at all gestured for her to come sit next to him and when she did, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and drew her close to him. Then after snuggling closer, she had closed her eyes and fell asleep again and this time, the man didn't return.

Miles away from that night, she peered out into the darkness, her blanket draped loosely around her and she saw her dreams in front of her. She saw herself getting her Harvard diploma with honors, she saw herself practicing the law that loved and she saw a man, Jonathan perhaps or someone else standing with her next to what looked like an altar. His arm around her and her hand resting protectively on her abdomen.

She saw her life, and she wanted it. She didn't want this man in the shadows of it taking more from her than he had already and she decided she wouldn't let him.

"It's going to be all right Julia," she said, looking over where her friend had already fallen asleep.

She felt ready to surrender to her dreams for the first time in months and she did, after she put more wood on the fire to keep the darkness at bay.


End file.
